04/15/24
The things that were never said. I was looking through Old diaries and journals and I came across three unsent letters I wrote. They were to my pen pal/Cousin. Throughout those letters there was only one thing consistent, “I am sorry”. I was constantly apologizing for not keeping in touch, but instead of doing anything about it. I just kept writing them. Never sending. Is it better to let go of someone in the past and hold the weight of their words forever or just tell them outright no matter the time? People drift away and that is okay. That is how you grow your relationships. But there are many people from my childhood I think about and I wonder if they ever think about me. There are so many things I would want to ask them no matter how trivial it seemed. These questions weigh down on me but are not enough to allow me to act on it. The presence of Social media has only urged me to reconnect and ask these questions but they are better left unsaid. Unwritten. In the drawer of my white desk, tuck them away so they never come to light and let them slowly disappear into the drawer of miscellaneous and lost things. Everyone in this world evolves and changes with time, trying to cling to the past only leads to longing and despair. You can never fight time. It always moves on even if you are ready or not. Knowing exactly when to tuck these things you would like to say is as clear as looking into the sun. It always shows what time of day it is but if you look at it for too long you will see dots dancing in your vision, obscuring everything. This can never be taught or learnt. At these times you must only trust yourself, because no one knows a relationship better than you and the other person. It’s never easy but learning to let go is one of the hardest lessons you must learn how to do. It is okay to leave things, unsaid. It allows for your book to end on the terms you want and to be able to give yourself closure. So I’ll keep these letters unsent inside my drawer as a reminder of who I was and effectively closing that chapter in my life.
~ Mithu
AfterThoughts 